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The Application

“Someone has to be number 1 when the waiting list closes!”

Yeah.. that’s me.

My application cycle has finally come to an end. If one more person had dropped out/ been unable to attend or had their circumstances change, I’d have been a medical student at Nottingham.

Obviously, I’m heartbroken to have gotten the closest you can possibly get and still miss out. It’s not that I’m incapable of being a doctor or that they don’t think I would make it, it’s that they do and there’s simply not enough capacity to accommodate me. It’s gutting. It feels like going through the motions all over again.

I have rebooked my UCAT exam. I’ve started to reapply through UCAS and just have the personal statement to tweak and my referee to ask.

As I’m so late to the game, I was unable to book the GAMSAT for September. I’m hoping my score from last year will be good enough for Nottingham again but of course, there’s no guarantee. Hopefully an increase in my UCAT score will mean Warwick is back in the game and fingers crossed for an interview.

I’m not going to lie, I just want to stay in bed and feel sorry for myself at this stage. I have plans over the weekend and I don’t want to do them. Feeling incredibly low and fragile. A lot of my family and friends don’t understand and I don’t expect them to. GEM isn’t the same as any other course/ journey you can go through and I don’t think you’ll understand until you’re going through it or have been through it.

It feels awful that my only hope is that someone is unable to start the course, has a change in circumstances or doesn’t attend. I can’t understand what or when this could happen to someone and really can’t see it happening at all.

I don’t want anything to do with GEM but at the same time, it’s all I want to be focusing on! Such a double edged sword at the moment.

There’s not much more I can say at the moment. A torturous 9 days being number 1 on the waiting list and a horrific few days to come whilst I process everything.

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